"Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble."
~Job 14:1
I want to share with you a new concept. As always, I ask that you don’t trust me at face value. I ask that you treat this as you would clothes you’re trying on at the store. If it fits, go with it. If it doesn’t, discard it. Not every concept is a perfect fit for everyone. Go with what works for you.
In this chapter I’m going to talk to you about darkness. The only thing bad about darkness, or the state thereof, is that you can’t see; at least, not outwardly. When you find yourself in a state of darkness you should use that time to find calmness and stillness and begin to live and think within yourself. By doing this, in time, you can find the very answers needed in order to be brought to the enlightenment or freedom you claim to be seeking.
Negative results stem from negative behavior, and negative behavior is a result of moving around in a state of darkness. If you find yourself in a totally darkened room, and you just run about here and there, you will likely bump into one object or another – a couch here, a table there. However, if you’re calm and still, you will take the time to navigate yourself throughout the darkness feeling around until you find the light switch to enlighten the room or the door that will lead you out of the darkness.
I call this concept “Embracing the Darkness.” You see, most people – all of us I’ll bet – were afraid of the dark when we were kids. Why? Well in our minds as children maybe it was because we thought that the Boogeyman lived in our closets or that there was a werewolf under our beds. The reality is we were more afraid of the dark. Not that our young minds could comprehend it then, but darkness is a mental metaphor for the unknown, and it is a universal human trait to fear the unknown.
As we got older, we realized that the only things living in our closets and under our beds were our clothes, toys and shoes. We even outgrew our fear of the dark, but the fear of the unknown is so deeply embedded in our human nature that it stays along for the ride for the rest of our lives. The challenge we have is conquering that fear, and believe it or not, we conquer it all the time – many times without even realizing it and other times because we have no choice but to “man-up” and face it.
I’m sure there were several times in your childhood when your mother said “Wait until your father gets home!” or felt that queasiness in your stomach when you were sitting outside of the Principal’s office – which probably led to the whole “Wait until your father gets home” thing. Even if you knew what was coming, there was still some fear, but when the moment of truth came, there was no running away from it. There was no way out of it, so you dealt with whatever happened and went on with the rest of your life. Life works in the exact same way.
It works in the exact same way because life is full of “moments of truth,” and how you come out of those "moments of truth" is based on how prepared you are to face them. Have you ever asked someone to dance? “Moment of truth.” That first kiss during or at the end of a date? “Moment of truth.” Making love for the first time? Absolute “moment of truth.”
Now, what is the best preparation for successfully facing these moments of truth? Believing above all else in yourself and your ability to come out on top. This was how David beat Goliath. How James “Buster” Douglas beat Mike Tyson, and how Donald trump climbed out of over $900 million dollars of debt.
Speaking of Trump, in one of his books he tells a story of a time when he pointed out a homeless man to his daughter and said “that man is richer than me right now.” Why? Because he had to make back nearly a billion dollars to have the same "zero" cash flow that homeless man had. I don’t know about you, but I don’t even want to imagine what $900 million dollars worth of darkness is like, but if Trump can do that, then I figure I can at least find a way to keep the lights on and food on the table – and so can you.
Many people go through life thinking that if they just think happy thoughts, they’ll minimize the negative times in their lives. I don’t completely disagree with this line of thinking; however, more often than not, many of these “positive thinkers” are actually ignoring the possibility of negativity popping up, so when it does – because at some point it always does – it comes as a devastating surprise.
Why? Because they were so busy “thinking positive” that they never or barely stopped to think about the infamous “What if?” Remember, a minute ago I told you that facing your “moments of truth” requires preparation. What is any one of life’s given hardships if not a “moment of truth?”
Now when I use the term “embracing the darkness,” I do not mean to become one with it. I mean for you not to run from it. I mean for you to find the courage – even fake the courage if you have to – to take a hold of it and take control of it, very much the same way a wild stallion is tamed.
The cowboy gets on the horse and rides that bronco as it jumps and bucks all over the place. The cowboy might – and often does – fall off of the horse, but the first rule of horse riding is if you fall, get right back on that horse – and that’s just what the cowboy does. He rides that horse until it gets tired of bucking. The horse realizes that the cowboy is the one who is in charge and becomes tame. “Embracing the darkness” means facing and fighting your fears and seeing your negative situations for what they are – experiences that will come and eventually go.
When it comes to facing your fears, you can either be the cowboy breaking the bronco, or you can let your fear control you – and you become the bronco that gets broken. Sadly, many people go through life like herds of broken and tamed horses … broken by disappointments and tamed of that wild spirit to dream and work to see those dreams come true.
I don’t have to tell you that dark times will come. You know they’re coming because they’ve already come. Maybe you lost an account or got passed over for a promotion. The woman you saw dancing all night suddenly has a case of sore feet when you ask her to dance. The guy you thought was winking at you was actually interested in your girlfriend sitting next to you. You survived all of these things and you will survive whatever else will come.
What I want is for you to not allow your spirit to be tamed. Don’t ignore the infamous “What if?” hiding in the darkness of the unknown. Instead, charge right into it! Face the “What if?” because only when you face the “What if?” will you find the answer to it. If the “What if?” hasn’t happened yet, you will have prepared a battle plan for it, and if the “What if?” happens to be “What is,” you will develop your battle plan to fight your way out of the darkness!
Don’t be afraid of the dark! Even the bible tells us that in the beginning there was darkness. It’s nothing more than a tunnel you have to go through. You might lose radio and cell phone reception; there may be moments when you might not be able to see your hand before your face, but if you keep moving forward you will get through it and into the light!
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My Response to Embracing the Darkeness part1
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of darkness being a time to get and be still. Rapid movement is usually movement that has not been well thought out and is what leads to pain. The first thing that came to mind for me was darkness as a growth period, as in being in the womb or a seed in soil. It is when we are still and listening when everything becomes clear. If I lose my keys, cell phone or anything, as long as I am tearing through the house looking for my lost item I only find frustration. It is when I get still and slowly retrace my steps the answer comes to me, “look in the bathroom”. I calmly get up and go to the bathroom and there is my lost item. Too many times we are doing busy work trying to find something when all that is needed is stillness.
It is a common belief that most people fear the unknown. I don’t believe this is true. I think most people are like the horses I see in my neighborhood. They can be in a yard with only a small fence separating them from the busy street and as long as they have the blindfold on they are ok. With the blindfold off and the ability to see the cars speeding by they are terrified. I don’t think people fear the unknown at all. Otherwise why do so many people perfect being in a state denial in order to not know what they really do? It is my belief people fear the return of the worst case scenario. Either the worst case scenario actually happened or they can just imagine it.
Past experiences real or imagined often prevent new corrective experiences from happening. When a mother makes the threat “Wait till your father gets home” it is not the unknown that is feared. It is the known that is feared. The child knows from experience what happens after that statement. They can even quantify how bad it will be based on past experiences too. How mad will father be when he finds out? What happens when he is just a little angry versus really angry is also known.
When people begin to believe there is another way this scenario might play out more than they believe it could play out exactly as it did the last time or worse, fear is lessened. When a child enters adolescence and feels that they have more skills to work with, the threat of “Wait until your father gets home” can become less and less effective. Many children that start to have confidence in their ability to reason with father or talk their way out of it or bargain with father or use whatever tool that works become less fearful when they hear this very common threat. They believe in another possible less fearful scenario.
My Response to Embracing the Darkeness part2
ReplyDeleteI also do not believe that most children are afraid of the dark. In my experience most children are afraid of shadows in the dark. Just enough light that you believe something is there but it is not clear. Most children fear ambiguity and inconsistency. Shadows could be the worst case scenario just waiting to play out. In this case it still is not the unknown that is feared but the possibility of what is known that is feared.
Why are experiences that do not go the way we want them defined as negative and experiences that do go the way we want defined as positive. If we learn something (and there is always a lesson in it) it is positive. The simple truth is that all experiences are good if we can learn something from them. All experiences that appear to be negative are opportunities for growth and becoming stronger. It’s all positive. It’s all good. It’s all God. What I have noticed that every time I have what I labeled as a negative experience I am grateful in the end. “Maybe you lost an account or got passed over for a promotion.” The truth of the matter is that maybe you were not quite ready. Maybe you needed to work a little harder or longer. Perhaps there is another position that you are better suited for. In the end I am willing to bet that it works out better in the long run. “The woman you saw dancing all night suddenly has a case of sore feet when you ask her to dance.” I bet if you watch long enough you will see that there is someone else that is a better match for you and you will also see that she was not a good match for you at all. “The guy you thought was winking at you was actually interested in your girlfriend sitting next to you.” In all of these experiences I am willing to bet that something better suited became available. When things do not work out learn the lesson and know something better is on the way.
I am a huge fan of positive thinking and faking it until you make it. Positive thinking creates positive action, which creates positive outcomes. Think positive no matter what the situation looks like. The situation will always give you exactly what you need, maybe not when you want it but it will. You may need to learn a lesson first.
Well thanks for taking the time to read my 2 cents on the matter and many thanks to Harold for such a thought provoking blog entry.
Merika Reagan, MA, CDW