Honesty in Conversation and How it Can Benefit in Conflict Resolution ©

We live in time and a society in which it appears we cannot get out of the way of our own hypocrisy. In a nutshell, people talk about creating or living in a society where there is little to no conflict, but the measures taken to create this "pseudo-utopian" society do nothing but cause conflict.

We live in a society that used to be like the famous DJ Khalid tagline: "We da best," but now it's like we're in the early stages of all those science fiction movies in which people are all dressed the same way, doing the same thing, and things like emotions & opinions are either banned or severely restricted. This country professes to be founded on principles of freedom; which in and of itself is hypocrisy because this country's wealth and power was built on the backs of slave labor... But that's a whole different talk show.

Basically ... People need to understand that there can never be total freedom for everyone. Don't believe me? How would feel about living in a world in which you can walk into a store and take whatever you want; or walk into a bank and take out however much you want; or when someone pisses you off, you can just kill them without any repercussions? Sounds good right? Well now how do you feel that every single individual in every single room, apartment, house, building and car outside of your exact location is entitled to that same kind of freedom.

Let's say it's YOUR store they take from. YOUR money they took out of the bank - and either YOU or someone you loved who got taken out ... Doesn't taste as sweet does it? I'm saying all of this to say that freedom is not free. In order for there to be freedom on the one hand, there must be restrictions on the other in order to keep the existing freedom in check and fair for everyone.

I have a problem with the way people in society are blasted for simply having and voicing their own opinion. Recently, Dan Cathy, the founder of the "Chick-Fil-A" restaurant chain was put on blast for having financially supported anti-gay organizations. How is it that people can accept him saying it's because of his Christian beliefs that he mandates HIS restaurants remain closed on Sundays, but cannot accept that he's taken this stand based on those same beliefs?

Now I'm not saying people should accept his beliefs. I'm saying they should respect his beliefs. You can respect someone's beliefs even if you disagree with the beliefs. in fact; to say it better, you don't necessarily have to respect the beliefs, but because you wanted to be treated with decency and respect, regardless of what you may believe, so it is very much possible to respect the person. But if you cannot respect either the person or the belief, simply disassociate yourself from him or her and go on living your life.

How many times have you been in or around a conversation in which someone says, "I don't want to say any names, but ...?" How many news articles have you read or watched on the news that have been prefaced with something like, "statement given by promise of anonymity?" But at the end of those statements, news articles and newscasts we're supposed to take all of what has been said as gospel truth? How can you take something as gospel truth when the person saying it can't or won't stand by what they are saying?

I understand that there are times when the truth must be told; and because of the severe nature of what that truth may be, those telling that truth must be protected - but in this day in age, hardly anyone is held accountable for what they say. So a lot of garbage gets put out there which makes life harder for everyone.

I have a simple philosophy ... I'm not going to say anything about someone behind their back that I'm not willing to say to their face. You might not like what I have to say, and conditions might be such that I might say something about someone before I say it to them, but if I said it, I'm going to stand by it. I have been in a couple situations in which someone has come to me and said, "I heard you said ..." Now if I said it, I claimed it. If what I said was misrepresented to this person or something was lost in the translation, I'd clear it up. And if I didn't say what I was accused of having said, I'd demand that my accuser and I come together and let him or her repeat what I allegedly said.

I believe that if we were to become honest in our communications with one another, we would be able to get along better. I say this knowing that although the truth hurts, once you acknowledge a certain thing you can deal with it. Now this doesn't mean people should be free to just come out of their face disrespectfully. You can be honest - and even honestly upset with someone but not be disrespectful in the process.

Here's an example, a while ago I got a phone call from my brother, Marcus, and dude went in from the gate. Apparently, he didn't care for the way I interviewed my cousin who lives in China on the last show and he had NO PROBLEM expressing just how much. Now - let's not get it twisted, while he's going off on the phone, I'm getting fired up as well. But when he was done, all I said was, "I'm sorry you weren't entertained."

What would have come out of me hitting him back with "Who the 'F' do you think you're talking to?" or "'F' you then ... Get your own show and interview whoever you want however you want?" Oh yeah ... Both of those comments were cocked, loaded and ready to be fired, but I knew that my response was emotionally defensive and would only go to show that I cared more about my own pride than what my brother believed to be constructive criticism. The fact of the matter is Marcus and I are close enough and respect one another enough to keep it real, throw it out on the table, work it out, and get past it.

If there is someone in your life that you're cool with or really close to because you grew up together or are - or were involved with one another, or you work together ... Whatever the situation is; if you have an issue with the person, let him or her know.

If you don't you're beginning the process of laying bricks. Every time that person does something to tick you off, it's another brick, and before you know it you done built a wall between you and that person and they have no idea why. And what will make matters worse is that because you spent all however much time laying down brick after brick being pissed off time after time - because you only compounding your "pissed-off'tedness" - that when everything comes to a head, you won't even remember what it was that they initially did to piss you off in the first place.

Perfect example ...

My neighbor's kid scratched my car with his bike. There was a scratch you can barely see and a scuff on the lower part of the bumper. I told him I would get an estimate and we'd talk it over. Turns out the estimate came out to over $500 because in order to fully repair it they would have had to remove the bumper.

So I go next door to see my neighbor and drop the bomb ... But I also went over with drinks in hand. His wife opens the door and gets him for me, but stays really close nearby. After he and I shared the shot I brought over, I gave him the estimate. When he saw and said how much it was, his wife came out of the other room like she was pulled by a chain. She started cussing and acting a total fool.

So I asked her what her problem was and she started cussing about the estimate being BS. SO I came back like, "That may be, but I'm not disrespecting you ... So why you gotta come at me with all the cussing?" And then THIS CHICK hits me with some crap about how I said something slick to one of her relatives when I was drunk at the last family party they had ... Like 3-4 months ago!

When I asked her why she didn't bring it up back then first she said, she didn't find out about it until a couple days later. THEN she said her husband was supposed to talk to me about it. When I asked him what was up, he was like, "I didn't want to cause any problems." So I'm like ... "Well, look at where we are now. Never mind the estimate ... You been living next door for three years, until now when have we ever had a problem?" (SILENCE) ... And I said to his wife, "How you look carrying a grudge all this time we've been waving back and forth and what-not?" How you gonna' be mad at me about something you never gave me the chance to acknowledge and apologize for? (MORE SILENCE).

See ... It's ignorant ass behavior like this that destroys friendships, relationships, businesses and families. If someone did you dirty ... Either let them know or LET IT GO. And if you know or even suspect you might have been in the wrong if someone brings a beef - or "pre-beef" to your attention, be man or woman enough to apologize for it.

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