Becoming Better at Becoming Better ©

As human beings, we all come from the same genetic stuff. We come into this world as blank slates and empty sponges. Wherever God saw fit to drop us off on this planet, we have to make due with whatever resources we have available to us. Therefore I submit to you that if you take an infant of any given ethnicity or nationality, and raise him or her in a culture completely opposite of that infant's nationality, that infant's personality will grow and develop based upon that culture wherein which he or she was raised. So you get what you got and you rock with it!

There is no sense in wishing you were born somewhere else or wishing that you were born someone else. You are who you are, where you are; and if you're not happy with who you are and or where you are, then it's up to you to change who you are and where you are!

I can practically read most of your minds right now. Most of you are thinking "that's easier said than done!" Or "why don't you just tell me how to do it then?!" Well first off, you don't get off that easily. Changing who you are or what your condition is, is not an easy thing to do - nor is it supposed to be. If it were easy to go from "ain't got" to "got plenty," everyone would be doing it and there would be virtually no poverty in the world.

But it's only a select few who actually realize this and put it to work in their lives. As for the other side of the coin ... those who are thinking, "Why don't you just tell me how to do it then?!" I cannot tell each and every individual what he or she needs to do in each of their lives. But you see, these are the people who are looking for someone to blame when beset with the setbacks that come along the way of bettering oneself.

You want me to tell you exactly where you invest your money. You want me to tell you each and every move I made on my journey. Well that's not going to happen. It's like the old proverb "give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life."

I must admit, when I first began my journey of improving myself I too wanted the answers spoon-fed to me. But the more I read; and the more and more I studied, the more I realized that I wasn't being given fish - I was being taught how to fish, and "fishing" is nothing more than implementing into your life that which you have learned. The "fish" are a metaphor indicative of the type of results you've created. Sometimes I caught big fish; sometimes I caught small fish, and other times I caught no fish and had to reevaluate my technique and actions.

So it all comes down to you! Yeah, it would be nice if someone came along and just gave you a million dollars, but since that's not likely to happen should you want that million dollars any less? Of course not ... that just doesn't make any sense. If you want that million dollars, what's stopping you from getting it yourself? The answer is ... YOU.

Repeat after me: "I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!" Say it again ... "I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!”... Shhhh ... Look around … Listen! Did you hear him? Who? ... The person who was saying that you can’t have a million dollars. Personally, I've know I've heard him. You might not hear him or her now but at some time in your life, you have been him - or her. The only person telling you what you are not capable of, who has enough clout for you to believe it is yourself.

There are billions of us scattered all over and across the planet; however, we are not of one consciousness. Each of us has our own individual mental space ... our own individual way of thinking. We are who and what we are based upon what we think of ourselves. We become what we want to become (or not) based upon what we think we're capable of (or not).

There is no reason why we should not have hundreds - or even thousands of Martin Luther King Jr’s., Malcolm X’s, Michael Jordan's, Muhammad Ali’s, Michael Jackson’s, Jay-Z’s, Beyoncé's, Denzel Washington’s, Oprah Winfrey's, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet’s and Donald Trump’s running around ... and not just in this country! Remember we're all made of the same stuff.

You can look at those who I have named and tell that these are people who are at the top of their games now, or were at the top of their game before they died. Dead or alive, they each are irreplaceable. Many of them had nurturing upbringings and perhaps others had to dig a little deeper, but out of all of those people I named, there was and are only one of those people and we will not likely see anyone in our lifetimes that will equal their greatness.

There were a whole lot of Baptist ministers who wanted equal rights for black people but there was only one Martin Luther King Jr. There were many ministers in the Nation of Islam in the 40’s and 50’s, there was only one Malcolm X. Out of hundreds of talented basketball players, only one Michael Jordan. In the 1980’s, there were all kinds of talk shows. Geraldo Rivera, Phil Donahue, Sally Jesse Raphael ... but the queen was Oprah Winfrey.

What makes these people the best at what they do? What makes them any better than anyone else? Those who are/were at the top of their fields are/were not there on sheer talent alone. Talent and ability can take you far; however, there are millions of people with talent and ability out there. The key ingredient that takes talent and ability to a higher level is boldness. You have got to be bold! You've got to cultivate your game and stake your claim. You've got to know that you've got the right stuff and be bold enough to convince the person on the other side of the table that they need it!

Why can't you be a success? What's stopping you? Who’s stopping you? Just like there can be only one of the individuals who were previously named, there can be only one you; and when your life’s journey comes to an end, your legacy will be defined by how you utilized the gifts with which you came into this world.

Whatever it is that you do, or whatever it is that you do not do with your life; with your skills, with the talents that God gave you ... these will be the things that will bring either joy or drama into your life. The harder you work, and the smarter you work ... these will be the things that determine how much happiness and even financial freedom you will be able to bring into your life.

There is genius in all of us. There is greatness in all of us. Each and every one of us was placed on this planet with a gift, talent or skill to contribute to make this world a better place. The challenge lies in finding what it is you want to do, finding what is you love to do, and finding what it is that you can do that will be of benefit to yourself and to others.

Next, you have to build that skill the same as you would strengthen a muscle. And like strengthening a muscle, there will be pain involved. But it's a good kind of pain. It's the kind of pain that makes you better. That makes you stronger. That makes you faster … and can even make you richer!

Watch a football game on “any given Sunday.” Those hits hurt. Watch a baseball game. I'm certain it is not a pleasant feeling to get hit by an 80-90 mph fastball; or to be running at top speed, looking up into the sky to catch a ball, and slam into a wall. It cannot be an easy thing to be 270 or 280 pounds and have to run up and down a basketball court. But in each of these sports, that's what these athletes do; and in each of these sports, there are those who rise above the rest.

There are those who start the game, and there are those who ride the bench. There are those who sit in the stands, and there are those who watch on TV at home. Wherever those people are is a barometer of how much they said yes or no to themselves. The same applies in every other aspect of life.

In just about any team, or even a group of friends or co-workers, there is one person who sets him- or herself above the rest. Diana Ross did it with the Supremes; Michael and Janet Jackson did it with their brothers & sisters; Beyonce’ Knowles did it with Destiny’s Child; and her husband, Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter did it with Damon Dash and Kareem Biggs when they started Roca-Fella Records.
At some point in time, the “Alpha” mentality rears its head, and the one who is most bitten by the bug steps up – works harder than the rest, and reaps the rewards for having done so.

What’s stopping you from becoming that person bitten by that "Alpha" bug? I cannot reiterate enough that we all are made from the same stuff. We all have greatness within us. Those of us who do not experience the happiness or sense of fulfillment we truly desire are either not adequately tapping into that greatness to achieve our desired result, or not tapping into it at all.

When I was on the football team my freshman year in high school, my job was to keep the bench from spontaneously flying off into space. I never played because I did not put forth the effort required to earn a position on the field. I put forth just enough effort to take up space on the team and that’s just what I did. However, there were other players who were getting their names in the newspaper every week because they were out there busting their tails to win.

From my sophomore year in high school throughout my freshman year in college, I was a fencer. I went from just learning the sport to being recognized as an All-State competitor on a two-time undefeated/two-time state championship team as well as an undefeated NCAA National Championship team in college. And you know what? As well as I did personally, there were others who were much better still!

In order to be or have the best you have to believe that you deserve the best. You have to then be willing to put forth the work necessary in order to earn and be worthy of being or having the best. You have to be brave enough and bold enough to step out in front and venture away from the pack.

Life is full of challenges. If you want to do and have more out of life, you will have to prove yourself worthy. If you don’t have what it takes and decide to let go of your dreams, life will let you. However, if you decide to succeed - although it will take time, and struggle, and sacrifice, if you prove yourself worthy … life will let you succeed.

I have come to learn – and I share with anyone who will listen – when you decide to step up and take a stand about setting and achieving a goal, the universe takes notice of you. Then life gets an e-mail to send Murphy’s Law a “911” page. At that point, Murphy’s Law sets out to pitch a tent in your backyard, and as you travel on your path to success, “whatever can go wrong will go wrong - and at the worst possible time!”

So when things go wrong - and they will, know that I want you to succeed "in spite of..." In spite of what exactly? Succeed in spite of anything and anyone, everything and everyone who would dare stand in your way. Don’t seek the company of people who will kiss your ass, but don’t tolerate the company of people who cannot, or worse, will not encourage you to press on during the lean and mean times.

Succeed in spite of what your family tells you. Often times your relatives will shatter your dreams under the guise of “being reasonable.” Reasonable people accept limitations – unreasonable people fight to exceed limitations. I dare you to find me a “reasonable” multi-millionaire.

Succeed in spite of what your friends tell you. The reason why you are friends in the first place is because you share common interests. Once you become “unreasonably motivated” towards your personal success, you threaten to break out of the comfort zone of your friendship. If your friends don’t have a larger vision of or for themselves, how can they share in yours?

“There is no progress without struggle. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, and it may be both a moral and physical one, but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never has and it never will.”

This was true over 150 years ago when Frederick Douglass said it, and I submit to you that no truer words could be spoken today.

Life is hard … So what! Succeed "in spite of." Never mind the naysayers. Frank Sinatra said it best: “The best revenge is massive success!”

WHY ARE YOU WHERE YOU ARE?

Where are you in your life right now? Are you happy where you are in your life? Are you where you want to be in your life? If you aren’t happy with whom and where you are in your life today, what exactly are you going to do about it? In case you’re not quite catching me … Yes, I am calling you out – and I am calling you out in such a way that cuts deeper than doing so publicly. I’m calling you out right here on this page. There’s no one around for you to say I’m embarrassing you; but since no one knows you better than yourself, you know now that I am calling you out before yourself. So again ... What are you gonna' do about it?

The fact of the matter is that most people are not totally happy with their lives. One thing I learned from the feedback I received from my first book “Find A Way to Make A Way!” is that as much as we’d like to think we lead individual lives, we all share the same experiences. We all have the same joys and pains and fears. These are the things that make up the human experience, and the name given to this experience is LIFE. Those who are the most fulfilled – the most successful are those who do the most to improve their lives.

Now, this is where the rubber really begins to meet the road. As I said, most people are not happy with where they are. Some of them are actively working to change their conditions. Some of them will focus on the areas that make them happy while ignoring the areas that are hard to face, and some do nothing and just accept where they are as where they were always destined to be. Respectively, I classify these people as the "emotionally" rich, middle class, and poor. Consequently, how these people tend to their "emotional" gardens equally manifests the outcomes of their material lives.

For the most part, the people I encounter either agree with me whole heartedly or disagree with me vehemently, but I am coming from a place of total honesty. Honesty with myself and the world we live in. While I am a firm believer in the value of emotional and spiritual fulfillment, neither keeps the bills paid … not directly. However, if you can find and do something that brings you both emotional and spiritual fulfillment, and an income; well then my friend, you have found life’s trifecta!

But let us return to the questions asked at the beginning. You see, only you can change your life for the better. Only you know what it will take to make you happy, and only you will know when you’ve achieved it. And all it takes to for you put yourself on that path is a little action. You have to be willing to take the first step. Once you’ve done that, the rest becomes easier.

When I first wrote this particular portion of context, it was just a couple of days after the first birthday of my youngest son, Justin. In the days leading up to his birthday, he was just crawling around looking cute and dribbling all over the place. On his birthday, my wife and I took him to get his first haircut, and surprisingly, afterwards it seemed like a brand new little personality was born! As if someone flicked on a light switch, he went from crawling to walking. First he was walking with some assistance, where as long as he had something lean on, he was on fire. Then about a week after that he stopped leaning against the walls & furniture. Now, he's running all over the place!

As you begin to take action to improve your life, you might need some assistance and that’s okay. For starters, that’s what I’m here for. As your coach, I am going to be both that wanted pat on the back and also that sometimes needed foot in the ass. As much as we need encouragement, we also need to be pushed – we need to be challenged. So again … just so that we’re clear here … I am challenging you. I am challenging you to face your fears and your flaws because until you do, you will not be totally happy. You might say that you’re happy and you might act like you’re happy; however, saying and acting happy are merely shadows of actually being happy.

Now is this to say that you have to subscribe to MY definition or standard of happiness? Absolutely not! My goal is to get you to see and acknowledge the obstacles you have been either ignoring and or avoiding; to encourage you to overcome those obstacles, and move onwards towards overcoming new ones because this is how you go about succeeding and taking your life to higher levels of greatness.

So … to answer the question, “Why are you where you are?” well, the answer is quite simple … because that is exactly where you need to be right now! If there is someplace else you’d rather be – literally or figuratively, then the onus in on you to get yourself there. If you want to shine in the spotlight of your success, then you’re going to have to get off your ass and start earning it!

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