The year 1995 was a very pivotal growing point in my life and on my journey. I was on my quest towards my career in Law Enforcement, and since nothing was panning out in New Jersey, my mother – who had moved to South Carolina after my grandmother’s passing – suggested I try applying for the Charleston Police Department. For now, I’ll just give you the Reader’s Digest version and say that things did not work out down there and I decided to return to New Jersey and go back to the old drawing board.
What is important is that I learned a whole lot and became a much better man because of that experience. You see, I knew what I wanted to be, but I had never been “tested.” I had never had people actively interfere and conspire to stand in the way of me achieving my goals. Even back in New Jersey, I could just say it was all about red tape and politics, but in Charleston, I could put faces to the game that was being played on me.
In retrospect, I realized that I had faced what they call “institutionalized racism” head-on when the Training Sergeant told me, “Reed, you gotta’ learn how to play by the rules.” Seeing it as how I had never violated any “documented” policies, I realized that the “rules” I violated were those involving me not staying in my place. I have always had a good time whenever I went down South, but there’s a big difference between going “down South” for a visit, and moving down to live in the “Deep South,” and the “Deep South” is still very much racist in a great many areas.
In 1992, Spike Lee made a movie entitled “X.” in brilliant fashion, Denzel Washington played the part of Malcolm Little; later known as “Detroit Red;” later known as “Satan;” later known as Malcolm X, and finally known as El Hajj Malik-El Shabazz – one of the greatest leaders black people in the United States have ever had. By the time this movie came out, I had already read The Autobiography of Malcolm X twice – the first time being when I was in the eighth grade.
Spike Lee (along with a bunch of bootleggers) made a mint selling all kinds of “X” paraphernalia. T-shirts, bags, back-packs, medallions, posters … you name it – if you could put an “X” on it someone was selling it.
One of the most intriguing sights I ever saw while I was living in South Carolina was a bumper sticker bearing a confederate flag and under it, “You wear your 'X' & I’ll wear mine!” I remember chuckling when I first saw it, but I also remember giving that unknown driver a mental note of respect. That guy could have been a card-carrying member of the Ku-Klux Klan, but he had my respect because I knew where he stood.
One of life’s realities is that we, as God’s imperfect little children, have never – and will not likely ever agree on everything; however, there is more honor in knowing who your enemy is and being able to either face him or know his intentions rather than dealing with those who would smile in your face, all the while plotting your very downfall at the first available opportunity.
In my dealings with that Training Sergeant in South Carolina, when everything came to a head, I was ordered to a meeting with the Chief of Police. I was ordered to bring every piece of equipment they issued me, for surely upon the completion of that meeting, I would be fired. I spent the entire weekend preparing for that meeting, and upon completion of that meeting, I did not lose my job. I stood my ground, I kept my composure, and I had won. My father had flown to Charleston for what was supposed to be my graduation from the police academy.
In dealing with the fact that I was not going to be graduating, he told me something that capsulated my entire experience up to that point. He told me I had to learn when and how to choose which battles were worth fighting. With that I began to reflect upon my experiences in the preceding months and how they lead up to my present state of affairs at that time, and how they could have and eventually wound up affecting my future.
I took into consideration the lengths that certain people had gone through to have me removed from the police academy and get me fired – even though I was amongst the top 5% of my class. I asked myself, “If this is what they’ll do to keep me from getting my foot in the door, what might they be capable of if I actually get in?”
My father’s words came back to me about learning how and when to choose my battles. I had won a couple of battles, but I was clearly able to see just how deep the deck was stacked against me, and I made the determination that I would be better off returning to New Jersey. The fact that you have this book in your hands is proof that I made the right decision.
Even though it took me another five years from that point before I achieved my goal of becoming a police officer, I learned so much from that experience in South Carolina that I cannot even be mad about it! I learned so much from that particular part of my journey that I truly have a deep appreciation for my career and all it allowed me to have and do – both for myself as well as for others.
As you continue on your journey, you will find that there will be people you encounter whose sole purpose will be to sway you from your focus. Depending on what goals you’re trying to accomplish, there are a variety of ways you can deal with the situation. Like the falling snow, no two situations may be the same.
I have never learned how to play the game of chess, but I do understand it to be a game of strategy. I do know enough about the game to know that more often than not the winner is the one who is better and more adept at both executing his own strategy as well as anticipating his or her opponent’s strategy. Good players know just how many moves it will take for them to win by anticipating their opponent’s strategies while executing their own – a lot of times within the first two or three moves that are made within a given game. Life is no different. From Sun Tzu to Donald Trump, the most successful people throughout all of history have been those who strategize, plan ahead, and execute.
Be Bigger
Conflict ... Some people thrive on conflict. These people are not happy unless they are causing someone else some form of misery. The reason for this is at their core, they themselves are miserable, and like the saying goes – “misery loves company.” Now I would not go so far as to say that I have been a miserable person, but I have fed into the misery at different times in my life.
Most people in their various careers and lifestyles go through their daily activities exposed to little or no misery. Granted, we all have our own personal trials and tribulations we must endure in our life’s journeys, but imagine being in a vocation that requires you to witness everyone else’s trials and tribulations every day and then still have to go home and deal with your own. It’s very easy to fall victim to not just misery, but flat out clinical depression if you are not secure in your own peace of mind.
What do most people do if they feel they are being attacked; or at the very least, offended? They counter-attack or offend in retaliation, but my question to you is, what has been gained in the exchange? What else other than a passing feeling of satisfaction in being able to say, “Well, I told him,” or “I gave her a piece of my mind?” that’s nothing but false pride right there. In actuality, you have gained nothing.
Not only does the initial conflict remain, but by your- counter-attack you have only fanned the flames of that conflict making it grow in size. Furthermore, what did you get in return in exchange for you giving the other person a piece of your mind? Chances are you got absolutely nothing of any equal value. Can any of us afford to “give away” pieces of our minds in exchange for nothing?
I remember having a long conversation with one of my closest friends who is a Corrections Officer. He was telling me all about how there were certain people on his job that he didn’t get along with, and how much he did not mind telling them how much he did not care for them. I advised him to just be cool as well as careful about how he addressed and responded to those particular co-workers. You see, one of the lessons I learned from my experience in South Carolina is that you don’t know who knows who and how well they get along.
When I was in South Carolina I debated an issue with one of my instructors and had clearly made my point while neutralizing hers. I felt good about myself and having proved my point, but at the same time, I humiliated her in front of the entire class. I later found out that she was the one who was an old friend of the Training Sergeant who pulled me out of the police academy.
She had a couple words with him; and he in turn made a phone call to the Chief of Police, who in turn gave the order to have me removed from the academy. Now I don’t know whether or not my friend followed my advice about holding his tongue, but about four months after we had that conversation, he got suspended because a prisoner got jumped and injured in an area that was supposed to be under his surveillance.
Somehow, he was peculiarly assigned to a post that was supposed to be manned by two or more officers; however, he was assigned alone. Basically, he was held responsible for not being able to be in two places at the same time. What more than likely happened was that somebody he had told off probably went to someone they were friends with and conveniently set him up under the guise of being understaffed in that area. He fought his suspension and eventually won back his lost pay and seniority. He was actually rather proud of his victory.
Now, I hated having to be a “Bubble-Buster,” but there was no other way for the lesson to get across; so I said to my friend: “Granted, you got your money back, but you didn’t win anything. All you got was what was rightfully yours in the first place. Look back at how hard your family had to struggle while you were out of work. Think back on those spats you had with your wife, knowing in your heart they were all just because you guys were frustrated. While you were enduring those burdens, the people who set you up were laughing at you” (… just like that instructor had the last laugh at my expense).
Another thing that both of my parents told me as I was “enduring” my ordeal in South Carolina was, “You’ve got to learn how to play the game.” Although it sounds similar to what that sergeant said about “following the rules,” whereas he was covertly telling me that I should stay in a (N-word’s) place, my parents were teaching me about the importance of tempering my emotions and controlling my tongue.
Now granted, there are times when it’s best to lay low and humble and bide your time, but there are also times when you must stand your ground. If you must take someone on, go all out. There are times for being kind and forgiving; however, it goes against everything that is logical for one to just allow him or herself to be a willing victim. Now I’m not going to get all deep into some kind of morally judgmental diatribe, but what I will say, is that the path of success is chock-full of people who are out to get you and take you out. After all, they too, are on journeys of their own and they may have an entirely different definition of success with a whole different set of rules regarding getting there. Either you are in their way or they see you as a potential threat and believe you have to be taken out. If what you want is that important to you ... stand your ground!
Now by no means am I advocating violence in any way to achieve your objectives or in defending yourself against non-violent attacks against your character or career. What I am saying is that there are times when you must take a stand so that others see that you are not one to be messed with, and other times when the best revenge you could have is to fall back and do nothing, I always say that in the end God don’t like ugly & karma is a mean S.O.B.!
As you travel on your journey you’re going to have to realize that there are all kinds of wolves in sheep's clothing out there. You are going to have to learn how to see them before they see you. You are going to have to learn how to avoid them if possible, and engage them if necessary.
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